


Pretty Little Girl

by HurtTheOnesILove



Category: Blink-182
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 19,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29017650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurtTheOnesILove/pseuds/HurtTheOnesILove
Summary: Jennifer Delonge is married to the rock God Tom Delonge of Blink 182. This is a recap of their twenty year relationship- told from the eyes of someone who has seen every side of her husband, the band and the success.*I do not own the band it's members, or its family- hence the name fan fiction**also note this is about blink 182- there is gonna be crude humor and bad words. Let's be grown ups about it. Seriously.*
Relationships: Tom DeLonge/Jennifer Jenkins
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

***Prologue***

The crowd was so loud it was deafening....almost. Tom placed the strap of his guitar over his head and then pulled me close, kissing me hard, putting his arms around my small frame. He was drenched in sweat but it didn't matter- this was part of our tradition when I came to a show.

"Go out and Kill it baby" I said winking.

He flashed a toothy smile before nodding- taking one last drink of water.

"Its all for you Jen- I love you"

"You more" I said back as he headed back to the stage for the last four songs of the night. As he strung his guitar the crowd roared and I couldn't help but smile. Tom was completely in his element when he performed. Whether it be with Blink or another one of his bands- he needed to create art like most needed to breathe- and I have always supported him one thousand present.

Mark began singing and I sang right along from backstage, watching the boys on the monitors standing next to their mananger and Mark's wife Skye. I still couldn't believe it's been twenty years and they are still performing and growing together.

The song ended and Mark and Tom bantered back and forth.

"You know what we need to do right now Tom?" Mark said

"Whats that buddy?"

"Sing a love song. Your lady back there wants to hear the song you wrote her back in high school."

"Oh you want old school huh Mark"

"Oh yeah... we're taking it old school..."

"This is for you Jen..." Tom said and the crowd cheered as the lights flashed wildly as the lyrics started. Skye laughs when she recognizes the song and I shake my head as they sing 'i wanna fuck a dog in the ass". When it was over they were all three cracking up.

"Oh my god Tom she's gonna kick your ass..."

"I know. I deserve it..." Tom said laughing. "Ok. Ok. Seriously now Mark."

"I'm wasting time thinking about a girl  
And stealing her away from her world  
She and I would run away  
I think of all the things that I'd say...."

He then began singing the lyrics to 'wasting time' and the crowd was quick to join in.

I thought back to the beginning and how we ended up together- beside myself at how we got here, feeling so lucky to be on this journey with the boy who stole my heart in a skate park.


	2. 1996

The year was 1996 and I was nineteen years old. The bright California sun shined bright in my eyes as I stood on the top of the halfpipe. I had been so busy at college for the last year I was thrilled to have some downtime with my friends. I shredded for about a half hour before bailing hard. As I laid there I could feel warm liquid on my skin and knew I got my arm good since I skidded across the pavement on it. I heard voices and felt someone pulling me up, telling people to give me room.

Every inch of my body ached- but I couldn't even think when I looked up and saw it was my high school boyfriend- Tom. We dated briefly but when he got expelled my parents moved me away- worried he would corrupt my innocence. We tried keeping in touch but just drifted apart. I had not seen him in three years.

"Tom! Oh my god!" I said wrapping my arms around him even though my arm was totally screwed up. He squeezed me back before grabbing my arm and holding it still, shaking his head.

"Come on Jen, you need stiches." He said pulling me to my feet and taking off his shirt, wrapping it around my arm. I grabbed my board and my bag and followed him out of the park and down the boardwalk to a black car. I noticed a guy with purple hair following along. "I'm running her to the er- she needs stiches. Wanna meet at the venue at five?" The guy nodded and walked away before we got in the car.

"So Tom, how the hell are you?" I said smiling at him.

"Good. Making music. Been touring pretty much non-stop."

"So your still playing with Mark and Scott? Blink right?"

"Yeah. Yeah..... that guy you saw.. that was Mark."

"No way." I said laughing. "He used to be so dorky!!"

"Me too...." he said and I shook my head, remembering how dorky he used to be. "So how are you? Heard through the grape vine you went to college."

"Yeah.... I'm in college. Started summer break yesterday. Need some excitement in my life."

"You seeing anyone?" He said and I shook my head quickly. "Yeah. Me either." He added.

We arrived at the hospital and I realized I pretty much soaked the shirt he wrapped around my arm with blood. As I tried to stand I fell and he picked me up and carried me into the emergency room. After that I don't remember much but him holding my hand while they cleaned and stiched my arm back together. It was pretty gnarley.

"I owe you a shirt" I whined as I leaned against him while we walked back to his car.

"You could just give me a kiss.... that should cover it." He responded cockily. 

I don't know if it was the pain medicine they gave me or how much I missed him, but I turned around and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him long and deep. When I let him go he was blushing and seemed to be at a loss of words.

"So, rock star, are you dropping me where you found me?" I asked as he shook his head.

"Actually, I'm taking you to a rock show and then to my house, unless you have someplace to be."

"Nope. I'm happy right where I'm at. I don't have plans all summer."

"Then let me be your excitement" he grabbed my hand and drove back out onto the road.


	3. One in A Million

I stood in the crowd, surrounded by fellow punks, rocking out to Blink 182. I watched Tom as he moved and sang on stage, smiling at me between songs.

"Alright San Diego!" Mark yelled into the microphone. "Ok. Tom, one more song. What do you think????"

"Well let's do wasting time- about the girl I fell for in high school" Tom said looking down on me and winking.

"Sounds good man.... too bad she never blew you. She looks hot!"

"Shut up dude...." Tom said before starting the song.

"Maybe I'd impress her  
By being in a band and  
Maybe if I act real tough  
She'd let me hold her hand and  
Maybe I'll win her heart  
By writing this song about her"

I was so touched. I never even knew he wrote a song about me. I wondered if it was while we were dating or after I had left.

"Sometimes I sit at home and  
Wonder if she's sitting at home  
Thinking of me and wondering if I'm  
Sitting at home, thinking about her  
Or am I just wasting my time"

No. I thought. You were not wasting your time. The girl next to me was screaming for more as the song ended, and as I looked around I realized there was at least one hundred people watching them play. Mark and Tom looked so happy up on the stage and I was happy for them.

"Did you buy Cheshire Cat? It's such a good record. I want them to notice me so bad. I go to all their shows...." the girl next to me said drunkenly into my ear, louder than she should. I shook my head and walked away, over to the side where Mark told me to go when they left the stage. A big muscular guy nodded me through the gate and they guided me back to a room where the guys were sitting. They were all excited, horse playing and high fiving.

"You guys were the shit!" I declared as I walked into the room- met my nods of agreement.

"And now we have two days off!" Scott yelled jumping up and Down spilling his beer everywhere.

"So if you fuckers don't mind I'm gonna take this lady out to celebrate!" Tom said placing his hat over his head and grabbing my hand leading me out of the room. Ohhs and ahhs came from behind me and I blushed- but managed to follow Tom back out to his car.

We drove the twenty minutes back to the strip before settling on pizza for dinner. He seemed really laidback and I was happy we were hanging out. Afterwards we went to the skate park and shredded until the cops kicked us out around midnight. We laughed as the cops chased us down the boardwalk, only the sounds of our feet pounding on the pavement drowning out the voices of the police as we ran. Tom grabbed my hand and pulled me down a side street and within minutes we were behind a building and breathing heavily, laughing as we heard their search growing fainter.

"Enough excitement for you?" Tom said and I nodded. We stood there for a minute laughing hard and calming down our heartbeats when a bright light shined in our faces.

"GOT YOU!" The voice bellowed and we took off- hopping the bushes beside us and racing down the six blocks to his car. We piled inside and within seconds of shutting the door Tom was flying down the street.

"Where do you wanna go Jen? It's 12:30. I can drop you at home..."

"Sure..." I said, disappointed at how late it was because we were parting ways. I gave him directions to my apartment I was renting for the summer and then minutes later we were parked out front.

"So......sorry about the shirt..." I said and he waved me off.

"I'm just glad you fell or I would of walked right by. I'm glad you are okay tho..." he told me,, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.

"Me too actually. So, do you want my number?"

"Yeah. But hey...? What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Basically nothing why?"

"Me and Mark are going surfing tomorrow around lunchtime. Wanna come? He is bringing his girlfriend...."

"Sure." I said grabbing his arm and writing my number on it in marker. "Call me when you wake up......unless you wanna come in..." I said and his cheeks turned bright red.

"Nah I gotta go feed the dog. Can't let him starve....."

"Alright, well....goodnight" I said giving him a quick hug and getting out of his car. I stood on the sidewalk watching him drive away before going inside my building and riding the elevator up to the fifth floor. My lips still tingled from when we kissed in the afternoon and I smiled to myself as I opened the door to my place.

Inside sat my college and now apartment roommate- Luna. She greeted me as I came in the door before becoming engrossed back into her movie. I walked down the hall and went into my room, laid on my bed and smiled. I was so happy to have Tom back in my life.


	4. Apple Shampoo

Tom's P.O.V.

I was barefoot in my boxers, as I cradled the corded phone on my shoulder and ate a bowl of cereal standing in the brightly lit kitchen. It was ten in the morning and I was still on an adrenaline high from the night before. I stayed up all night writing music and now I was filling Mark in on my night before he came over.

"Dude you don't understand. I need to go buy a dog. Or tell her it died. I made up a fucking dog story dude because I am totally stoked over her and I didn't know what to do. Man I was so nervous I almost passed out."

"Tom your an idiot. But I will help you steal a dog. Or you can borrow mine. She makes waffles and birthed me but.... it's old."

"I don't want your mom Mark. Come over here you gotta hear what I wrote."

"On my way man. And seriously. Consider my sister. She's a total bitch."

I hung up on him and unwound myself from the phone cord before placing it back on the receiver. Then I put my bowl in the sink and picked up the phone one more time.

"Hey, can I talk to Jen" I said when I heard a guys voice answer.

"For Jennifer? Who is this.....!?" I heard him say and I heard a shriek and her voice quickly take over in my ear.

"Hey. Tom? Sorry. Roommate's boyfriend is nosy. What's up?"

"Still wanna hang out today?"

"Yeah. Sounds good."

"Well Mark bailed on me so I'm gonna pick you up at noon. Got big plans for us."

"Should I be scared?"

"Only if you are an enemy of aquaman's..." I replied laughing to myself at how clever I was.

"Huh?" She said- noticeably puzzled and I smiled, thinking about the way her little button nose crunches up a bit when she is confused but won't admit it.

"Its all good. Jennifer Jenkins will you go out on a date with me?"

"I would be honored.... Mr. Delonge." she replied.

"Ok see you at noon." I said quickly and hung up as I saw Mark pull into the driveway.

I walked down the hall to my room and threw on a pair of jeans and then opened the front door as he knocked. He looked around and shook his head. I had clothes and guitars from record companies covering most of the living room, and pieces of paper thumb tacked to most of the walls- blink songs I either wrote and recorded already or ones I was planning on recording. We had been on the road for the better part of two years, it doesn't leave much time to clean up after myself. When we came home it was to sleep and unload merch- then leave again.

"We can't go surfing today."

"Why not?" Mark said looking at me like I lost my mind.

"Dude. Because you needed to ice your balls"

"No I doooooo owwww Tom what the fuck owwwwww" he screamed as I tapped him hard, laughing as he fell back on my sofa. "Your a real dick dude. I take it your going to see Jen again?"

"Yeah. I'm taking her on a real date."

"You dated in high school I thought. She was the one...." Mark sarcastically said- gesturing poetically with his hands before returning them to the protection of his family jewels.

"We hung out and ate pizza....Skated together.....oh yeah and went to the movies once with her folks. We only ever kissed twice dude and once was when she left for LA. But she was the one. Or rather....Is the one."

"Well the band needs to stay priority dude. We have a show Monday. Don't forget. And a meeting with MCA."

"I know, I didn't forget. What do you think we should do?"

"I think we should sign."

"Me too" I said and we high fived. Then I went in the other room and grabbed my guitar and sat on the floor in front of him. "Alright man I wrote a bunch last night and most of it is bullshit but this girl- she's my muse."

"Then let's hear it man....."


	5. Enthused

Jen's P.O.V.

At 12:06 Tom pulled up out front of my building. I spend almost an hour getting ready- unsure of what to prepare for. I settled on flare jnco jeans, black dressy top and sneakers. My hair was straightened and I had makeup on. I was sitting on the curb, talking to my neighbor when he got out of the car. Tom wore a red t shirt and jnco shorts- sneakers and sunglasses. His blonde hair almost sparkled in the sun.

"Sup?!" he said as he held his hand out to me and I took it to stand up. "You ready to go?" I simply nodded as we got into the car. "So I gotta confess some shit to you, because I feel like an asshole for lying."

"Ok..." I said wondering what the big secret is.

"I don't have a dog. I just freaked out. And Mark didn't bail- I blew him off to hang out with you." He looked ashamed which made me laugh.

"I thought you were gonna tell me you had a girlfriend or something."

"Ah.. Fuck no. I'm open to applications however if you wanna place one." He said cockily making me shake my head in faux disgust.

"Shut up" I responded playfully shoving his arm.

We pulled up to the San Diego aquarium and I squealed with delight. This was my favorite place as a kid. Tom paid- even though I offered- and we held hands as we walked thru the winding hallways and viewed the amazing exhibits.

Three hours later we were sitting on the edge of a tide pool and I was holding a starfish in my hand, I looked over at Tom and I felt something, it was like electricity running thru my body where his hand was on my arm. It made me feel almost dizzy.

We walked over to the food court but neither of us ate much. He wasn't that dork I liked hanging out with anymore. He was a man and I was a woman- no longer the skinny girl with a flat chest and bad hair. And now that we are no longer kids I didn't know what to do. Sure he was still him, as I was me, but something changed. Now I was nervous. I was self conscious around him and I hated it.

We left the aquarium and walked for a few hours along the beach, sipping on a bottle of liquor and talking about our lives since we last saw each other. He told me how hard it was when I left and how he drowned himself into blink to keep himself together. How he has been touring non-stop and how he leaves for warped tour in three weeks. He would be gone all summer. I told him about going to college and how I can graduate in two semesters if I keep working my ass off. We talked about old relationships and how they just didn't take. The guys I dated wanted me to be someone I wasn't and the girls he saw were after his growing fame. We both were visionaries and career driven- neither of us has time for people who were never gonna get us.

As we drove back to my place it was nearly ten p.m. Since it was Saturday I knew my roommate would be out till the bars closed. I figured I would try my luck once more. But... as he parked I lost my nerve. He got out and came around opening my door for me and walking me to the door of my building.

"So, I had an amazing time today.." I started and he nodded.

"Yeah me too. I hate how fast it got late..." he replied and I smiled, trying not to laugh. That was so dorky- but it was so sweet.

I started to say something but instead he pulled me close and kissed me, at first I was tense but I slowly relaxed and began kissing him back.

"Wow" he said quietly and I nodded in agreement

"Wanna come upstairs? My roommate is out." I said gesturing towards the door with my hand.

"Uhh... yeah. I do."

We went up to my place in silence. Once inside I told him to make himself comfortable and I went to my room to put on some shorts and a tank top- wash my face, put more deodorant on, throw my long brown hair up in a messy bun and brush my teeth.

Back in the living room Tom was still standing awkwardly in the living room. I smiled at him as I returned. "So, this place is very...umm...Hawaiian." he said pointing to the vast amounts of Hawaiian decor all over the place.

"Oh yeah, my roommate Luna is from Honolulu. She is very Hawaiian proud. Get her drunk enough she will belly dance and hula at the same time." I said laughing and pointing to a framed picture of her and I in a swimsuit competition the summer before. "We roomed together freshman year- spent last summer in Hawaii and I wanted to come home here this summer."

"Well I'm glad you did."

"Me too" I said winking. "Want a beer or something, we are college students. We keep a stocked fridge. We live off microwave popcorn, tap water and booze."

"A beer is fine." He said following me into the kitchen. I handed him a beer and then opened one for myself before going back into the living room.

"Wanna watch a movie?" I said as I turned on the tv, shut off the lights and sank onto the sofa.

"Yeah, sure." He said sitting beside me and sipping his beer.

We settled on a sci-fi horror that was on the television, about a giant crocodile that eats people. As we watched the movie he finally got brave enough to put his arm around me so I rested my head on his shoulder. His smell was intoxicating. A mix of cologne and perspiration comforted me. We starting talking a little about the movie, and as I looked up at him, he looked down on me and our lips were centimeters apart. I wanted to kiss him again so badly but just as our lips touched Luna walked in the door. Tom jumped at her entrance. She stood there talking for a good five minutes- despite the dirty looks I was giving her.

"So I have a tv in my room, do you wanna go watch it there?" I said and he hesitated, but nodded.

In the privacy of my room we starting making out up against the door. Slowly at first but it got pretty intense. All I could hear was our breathing in the room, and the sound of my heart pounding. I could not believe what he was doing to me. I have hooked up with other guys but never has a simple kiss felt this intense. Before long we were in our underwear making out in my bed. Every touch was more brave and more intense.

"Do you have a condom on you?" I asked and his eyes got wide at what I was implying and then nodded his head. As he reached for his jeans we both somehow fell into the floor in a sweaty heap. Thankfully we were too far gone to notice.

Afterwards, we laid on the floor together and talked about how we wanted our life to go. Before falling asleep I whispered in his ear, if you break my heart I will change your mind. I'm making you part of my future."

"Dont worry" he said "you have always been a part of mine."


	6. Carousel

Tom's P.O.V.

I awoke the next morning wrapped up in the sheets with Jen. Neither of us got dressed, just crawled up onto the bed and passed out in each other's arms. I have jumped my share of girls but I never knew sex could be like that. I was completely hooked. As I stared at her, her beautiful blue eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at my presence.

"Morning handsome." She said, sleepily kissing me on the lips. "Wanna go get a shower with me? I have to be ready to leave around eleven, my mom is picking me up for lunch."

I nodded and we made our way into the bathroom that was in her room. We started making out and before long I had her sitting on the sink and after grabbing for protection we were back at it. She ran her nails down my back and I pulled her tightly against me.

After a long shower I got dressed and headed home, giving her my number and kissing her goodbye. I was blown away by how good the night went and couldn't wait to go tell Mark all about it. When I got home Marks car was already there and he was fast asleep in the back seat. I banged on the window, causing him to jump and then I opened the door to talk to him.

"Dude, why are you sleeping in your car?"

"Lisa threw me out dude can I crash here?"

"Yeah. What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." He said grabbing his bags and following me inside, silently cursing when I grabbed the spare key from under the mat and handed it to him.

"Take the guitar room. I gotta do something with this place today, I eventually wanna be able to bring Jen here. Her roommate was nosey has hell last night."

"So.... you stayed the night. Check you out..." Mark said patting me hard on the back. I jumped and shook my head.

"Wish you wouldnt.. man don't do that. She clawed me this morning. It was a little intense." I lifted my shirt to show Mark the shallow cuts down my back.

"Dude. I'm proud of you. I'm sure she was too. So... let's talk about tomorrow and then you can fill me in on the big date."


	7. Untitled

It was almost two pm and I was at the skate park with some friends from high school and Luna. We were all sitting around talking and joking- waiting for an up and coming skater to finish his demo shots with a photographer. He even bought us lunch while we waited. Luna was telling everyone the story about the night I was the designated body shot person and got covered in tequila on my first night in a dorm. I was embarrassed but laughed along with everyone. I felt an arm go around my shoulder and looked over to see Mark leaning on me. Luna stopped talking, looking at him curiously.

"Ohhh don't stop on my account. So what was she wearing? Do you have pictures? I wanna visualize this..." he said raising his eyebrows and I shook my head, playfully shoving him away from me. "Aww come on Jen don't be like that. I just wanna hear your dirty secrets..."

Shh! I mouthed at Luna before raising my sunglasses over my eyes and placing them like a headband on my head. "Where's your better half?"

"Oh he's coming..... had to park the car."

I stood up and grabbed my board, seeing the guy waving goodbye. I gestured Mark over to the course. "Wanna skate?"

"Of course. Why else would I come here?" He said and I smiled before mounting and taking off. I couldn't be careless today. At five I was taking Luna to a blink/ pennywise show and didn't wanna change or bleed. When I saw Tom walking towards us I jumped off my board and ran up to him, wrapping my arms around his midsection.

"Hey..." I said as he leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips.

"So I got news." he said. "Wanna take a walk?" I agreed and we headed down the street to be alone. Once we got to a more private place on the beach we sat down and he smiled at me. "So we signed with MCA today." Tom said nervously and I hugged him tightly.

"Thats perfect. It's what you wanted. Congrats."

"Yeah well we will be in the studio most of winter. And album comes out before spring. Then touring again. Till summer. Then warped tour. And then I don't know. But we won't have time to see each other. I will come see you when I'm in town. But we are just getting started again and....."

"Tom. I am not going anywhere. I don't know what this is between us but I like it. Your band comes first. Always. Go be a rock God. I will be here. Or at school. But you know what I mean."

He held me close for a few minutes and then we walked hand in hand back to our friends so we could go to the show. I couldn't wait to see them in action again. I knew whatever happened with his career, I was always going to have his back if he stayed honest with me.


	8. 1997

Graduation was tomorrow morning and I was so excited. It had been one year since starting something with Tom, and almost five months since I had seen him in person, our communication being a weekly phone call on Wednesday night's at ten pm. I was at the grocery store, getting food for the party tonight at our dorm. Luna and I were in charge of snacks and mixers. As we walked down the aisle the familiar chords of "dammit" came through the speakers.

"Holy shit they are being played again!" Luna shrieked and jumped up and down excitedly.

"I know they are blowing up....major. Did you see the music video? It's been on the box and mtv rotation for three days straight." I said smiling as we both sang along.

"Does he know your walking tomorrow?" She said and I nodded but didn't comment further. I didn't ask him to come, even though I wanted to. He had a show tonight four hours from here and I knew they would be exhausted tomorrow. We were planning on meeting at Tom's tomorrow night. Then we both had three weeks together before he started warped tour, which he keeps asking me to join them on. I didn't even rent an apartment for the summer- Tom asked me to move in after college the last time we spent a week together, which was Christmas. I already had a key.

We got back to the dorm and I headed up to my room. There were drunk people everywhere and a huge party already underway. The last final for the semester ended two hours ago and everybody was celebrating another year completed. As I approached my room I saw some brightly coloured haired punks in sunglasses outside my door, knocking loudly. I smiled at them, shaking my head and approaching.

"Wanna come in?" I said and Mark hugged me tightly, picking me up as he did so. Tom followed suite, planting kisses all over my cheek as he put me down. I unlocked my door and they followed me inside, closing the door behind me.

"We played a show this afternoon and drove here after. Are you surprised?" Tom said kicking off his shoes and laying on my bed, Mark sat on the bed in front of him. I nodded, and grabbed some beers out of the mini fridge and handed them each one. "Our new drummer is around here somewhere. He said he knew some people downstairs and went to go catch up with them."

"So Scott's gone for good huh?"

"Yeah he was not showing up for shows or interviews. He just had to go and then said it was our fault. " Mark said and stood just as Luna walked into the room. "Now- if you two excuse us, Luna and I are gonna go party." He said and gestured her out of the room with him.

I took off my shoes and hoodie, lying on the bed beside Tom. He wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head against his muscular chest. The simple act of being able to touch him again after all this time made me so happy. We have been seeing each other for a year but because we have only seen each other three times,(last summer, Halloween night and a week at Christmas), it all still felt brand new.

"I missed this.........I missed you" Tom whispered into my ear and I nodded.

"I missed you too. I'm so happy your here." I said as I felt him run his fingers thru my long hair.

"I wasn't missing my girlfriends graduation. Are you kidding me?!" He said looking down at me and I smiled, internally screaming.

"Girlfriend huh? I don't think we have labeled it yet. It just has been what it is."

"What do you tell people when they ask if you if your single?" He said looking baffled.

"I say I'm seeing someone. They say is it serious and I say very...but boyfriend has a nice ring to it."

We spent the entire night drinking and partying with the people I cohabitated with for the better part of three years. Some were celebrating graduation, while most were excited to just be drinking. A lot of people recognized the boys from MTV and were stoked to see them hanging out. Travis was a pretty cool guy and I was glad he was performing with them. He told me not to worry, his addictions were drums and tattoos.

We staggered back up to my room well after midnight and were shocked to find Mark and Luna having very acrobatic intercourse. Laughing we apologized and shut the door- went down the hall into the stairway to wait them out. He pulled me down into his lap and kissed me, then whispered in my ear, "I am in love with you Jennifer Jenkins".

Neither of us said it before and I was momentarily shocked. I had felt it at Christmas but didn't want to say it if he didn't feel the same. A tear fell down my cheek as I looked into his eyes. I didn't see deceit in them, only love.

"I love you too Tom. Always....."


	9. Warped Tour

Summer is finally coming to a close, along with this tour. I spent the last three weeks riding in a van from venue to venue, filling in as a part time roadie and hanging out with the guys. Mark met a girl two days ago at a show, which made me really happy since Luna went home to Hawaii without so much as a goodbye to either of us. Ava groaned as she leaned against me, and I laughed. The guys were talking and we were watching Limp Bizkit perform 'faith' on stage.

"Oh my god. I'm so tired. How are you so chipper?" She said in an accusatory tone.

"It's been three weeks, and I knew what I was getting into. Tom was getting totally burnt out so I came to cheer him on." I said to her while making eye contact with Tom from across the room and smiling at him. He raised his eyebrows and smiled back, making me laugh.

Two days ago we were in Florida and while performing Mark saw a pretty blonde in the crowd. Afterwards while at the tent she came up to introduce herself and ended up following us to Panama to spend more time with Mark. Then last night he convinced her to ride with us to Atlanta. The shows are an all day event. Plus set up and take down, it's all pretty brutal. Ava lives in San Diego, and was in college in Florida. She told me she's getting kicked out of school cause she's failing- out so why not go with the guy she fell for the second she saw him. Apparently she doesn't even like rock music. She came to see Eminem. This chick is totally polar opposite Mark but I don't pretend to understand love.

Limp Bizkit was done their set and the roadies scrambled onto the stage tearing down and setting up for Blink to go on. I watched Mark and Tom psyching themselves up and Scott as well. They let him come back but he was on shaky ground. Travis was on reserve, in the event Scott started partying hard again.

"Three Minutes Blink" The stage manager's voice boomed over all the commotion in the back and it made Ava jump. Tom put the strap of his guitar over his head and walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me. I pulled him in, inhaling his scent and enjoying his embrace.

"Go out and Kill it baby" I said and he kissed me.

"It's all for you Jen." He said squeezing me one last time. "I love you"

"You more. Now go rock this shit. Then we get to go home. Home baby."

He nodded and smiled, making me laugh. I looked over to Ava who was kissing Mark. I really hoped they could work out, since they are incredibly cute together. Tomorrow he is going back to her house in Orlando with her, and we are flying home.

"And now for your listening pleasure, Blink 182!!!" The announcer said and the guys ran into the stage. The audience went wild as the familiar chords of Josie started.

"So I gotta ask. Is Josie about you?" Ava asked and I laughed, shaking my head.

"It's about Marks ex. Quite a few are about her."

"But Tom wrote Wasting Time about you right? In high school?" She asked and I nodded. "He seems like a great guy. It's crazy you have stuck by him thru all this insanity.

"This isn't anything. Those boys....they are gonna be huge." Rick, the band's manager said to us. I nodded. I think they all felt like they were already huge. There was five hundred people rocking out to Dammit, singing along and hanging on their every word.

Then I saw Eminem from across the stage and I waved him over. "So, this is Ava. She's a huge fan and wanted to meet you." I said when he approached. Her face was beat red but she managed to talk with him for a few minutes.

As the set ended, Tom came up and hugged me tight, sloppily kissing my cheek. "Did you see that shit? We rocked so hard." I nodded, laughing as the guys celebrated. I was so proud of them and glad I could be here to experience it all.


	10. 1998

Tom's P.O.V.

I woke up to an empty bed. I looked over to the clock and realized it was almost noon. "Shit." I cursed out loud while standing up and quickly pulling on some jeans and a clean t-shirt. I walked into Marks room and woke him up, making him groan loudly. "Dude we have to be at sound check in twenty minutes!" I yelled to him as I left the room to go find my shoes so we could leave. There was boxes with merch everywhere from warped tour, and guitars everywhere I looked. I shook my head realizing I was never gonna find my shoes.

It's been almost a year since Warped tour and things have been all over. We only stayed home a month before we were back on the road for six months. Then home for two weeks and now we are leaving again. Jen is working as a freelance designer, putting that art degree to use. She is also teaching design at the local college. Right now she was at the gym with Ava, who temporarily moved in with Mark.

The phone rang and I answered it, while hollering to Mark to wake up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me. I'm on my way to the venue. Wanted to make sure you were up."

"Yeah. Trying to get Mark up. And by the way have you seen..."

"Your shoes? End of the bed."

"How did you know I was gonna ask?"

"Cause I tripped over them this morning and put them there. But while we were working out I kept thinking 'tom is never gonna look there'"

"Well- you were not wrong. I will see you soon." I said and hung up as Mark came out in his boxers, claiming he was ready to go. I shook my head and sent him back to his room to try again.

Between the touring and being in the studio I was almost never home. It must of drove Jen crazy. Ava was back in college finishing her nursing degree, so she could work in a hospital. I felt like I was wasting Jen's time. I was out living it up being a rock star and she was at home doing her own thing. It was like when she was at college- but we talked almost every night instead of once a week. Travis is permanently a part of the band now- and good riddance is all I have to say about Scott. We passed on warped tour this summer, instead we are doing a four week thirty city tour, filming a music video when we get done and releasing the album soon as we can. The first song, "what's my age again" Mark wrote about his time with his last girlfriend, who threw him out in the middle of the night. In the video we are gonna make fun of all the popular music.

Mark walks back into the living room dressed and looking annoyed. We rush outside and burn rubber to get to our show on time.  
******************************************************************

It's almost midnight when we get home. After the show we went out drinking with a ton of people and playing tunes on the beach. Jen pulls me down onto the bed next to her and wraps her arms around me.

"This is my favorite position in the world." She says kissing my bare chest with her full lips. "Your leaving in four hours. I don't even wanna think about it."

"You are the most patient and trusting person in the world ya know?" I said kissing her. "Ava turns nuts when girls are throwing themselves at Mark all day long. You should hear the shit she says late at night. He tells her, look babe I'm in a van with Mark and Travis I don't have time to Fuck I'm working."

"You wouldn't cheat on me. You leave me.... but you wouldn't do that."

"Would you?" I asked feeling suddenly self conscious.

"What?! No!!" She says quickly, sitting up on her elbow and staring into my eyes.

"Ok. I never thought about it before. But that would suck. I would have to fight him."

"Oh god Tom, you might break a nail!" She says playfully and I pull her close making her squeal with delight as I blow raspberries on her neck and kiss her lips.

"Seriously, your a fucking nightmare. I hate leaving you. I hate you being here. I hate it so much. I want to be with you always. It really makes me mad that I never see you."

"Me too. And you only have....." she struggles to see the clock thru our open bedroom door "3 hours and 55 minutes. So get with the kissing. I want to remember this."


	11. Blow Up

Blink 182 officially blew up.

My boyfriend had been gone basically eleven months out of the year since we have been together, which we are going on four years, living together for three. We rarely saw each other- unless he was in town for a show or around the winter holidays he came home to be with family and sleep. We moved into a new place last year, a two story three bedroom home with a two car garage, converted into well insulated band space. Mark bought a place for him and Ava about a ten minute drive away. It was weird- being alone in a house so much- so we adopted a two year old Great Dane from the SPCA and named him Duke. He was a good guard dog- and on the occasion that I could go see Tom for a day when they were nearby, Ava would keep him at their house, since she worked at the hospital downtown and never had time to go see Mark anymore.

I stopped teaching at the college, strictly working freelance for design companies- mostly working on punk/ goth style clothes. I enjoyed working and liked having the freedom of working from home. Everywhere you went, if the radio was on- 'all the small things' was playing. Tom and Mark couldn't skate down at the park, because they spent the entire time signing autographs and meeting fans. It was kind of surreal for all of us. MTV and The Box had them on constant play as well. Tom wrote the song as an ode to me, which was sweet. It was strange though, having millions of people singing the lyrics to a song about me. I just never thought about something like this happening.

With the band's outstanding popularity, their other albums were now selling like crazy. Everyone, everywhere couldn't get enough of them. Touring was getting even more insane, and those shows of a few hundred were now in the thousands. It was surprising when they didn't sell out.

I stood in our bedroom, folding clothes and placing them in a black duffle bag. Tom was leaving again for six months- but this time I was going with them- which I was really excited about. The tour van was replaced by a gigantic tour bus, all on the studios dime. I pet Duke as he laid his head on our bags and smiled at him. He knew by now this meant Tom was leaving again.

"I know buddy, but it's all gonna be okay. Ava is keeping you." I said as I closed the bags and placed them on a sofa by the door. He groaned as he jumped off the bed and followed me as I headed down the steps and into our brightly lit living room. This house reflected both Tom and I as people. The living room, for instance had artwork and pictures on all the walls and had plenty of windows to let the natural light in. We didn't want some massive thing- just a house that we can work in, with a guest bedroom for company, mainly Travis and his girlfriend, when they came to visit since they lived an hour and a half away.

Tom was sitting on the black leather sofa, acoustic guitar in his lap- pencil in his mouth and notebook beside him- strumming away and singing softly to himself. As we entered the room he looked up and smiled at me, winking before returning to his process. I stood there watching him for a few minutes, watching his strong muscles flex as he held his axe, his eyebrows slightly scrunched as he wrote down lyrics to their next hit.

I grabbed Dukes leash and attached it to his collar, waving to the love of my life and shutting the door behind us. I jogged the three miles to Mark and Avas, knocking as I got to their front door. Mark greeted me with a hug and invited us in. Duke laid down on the sofa almost immediately and I went into the kitchen to talk with Ava. Time had done wonders to the girl I used to find moderately annoying- she was well kept and she stayed really busy with work. I almost never saw her since she became the head nurse at the ER. She also was back in college for her surgical assistant licence so she can be in the OR as well. I was happy for her and her success.

"Hey lady" she said smiling and pouring a glass of wine and handing it to me.

"Hey girl." I said sitting on the bar stool at the counter as she sat down next to me.

"So can you promise to take care of my man? I hate that I can't go have fun with you guys."

"Yes. I promise. You take care of Duke for me." I said hugging her.

We sat and talked for a while before Mark offered to drive me home- since he was coming over anyway. I accepted and said goodbye to her, calling for Duke and hopping into Marks suburban.

"Tomorrow night we start our tour, are you ready for this?" Mark said and I nodded my head.

"Always." I said winking at him.

"Good cause I don't think Tom would of left again. Not without you. He's so scared you will leave."

"Good. Keep him on his toes. That's where the music comes from." I said laughing. "Seriously Mark, I am never ever leaving him. As long as he doesn't lie to me."


	12. Anthem

I could hear the pounding at the door but I couldn't even breathe as I stated at the small piece of plastic in my hand. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. Not now.

I stood and pulled up my jeans, throwing the thing in the hole behind me.

Nope.

Sorry.

I need a minute.

I opened the flimsy plastic door and muttered an apology to the long line of people waiting to enter the port-a-potty. I slowly made my way thru the crowd and back to the fenced off area, showing the security guards my access badge. They nodded and waved me back, closing the fencing behind me. I leaned against a metal pole, breathing and trying to calm myself back down. This was insane.

****************************************************************

Tom and Mark stood about fifty feet from where Jen stood, and watched her as she talked to herself. Tom wanted to go to her, but Mark shook his head at his best friend. Times had been rough between the two of them- and Mark who was always envious of their relationship- saw first hand how stress can effect everyone. Jen had not been herself in a few weeks and Mark could see how badly it was hurting them both but she refused to open up to them; and being trapped on a bus for the last few months made it hard to avoid each other. Tom just wanted to help her but she was on another level.

*****************************************************************

Tom approached me slowly, looking unsure of how to react to me standing in front of all these people with tears running down my cheeks. As he reached out to touch me I shook my head. I wanted to tell him but I needed to get my head around it first. They went on in two hours and what I needed was a drink. Or a cigarette. Both of those things were unobtainable to me in my current state. Cursing to myself I turned and walked away, fighting the urge to look at his confused and sad eyes.

I ran once I got clear of the crowds and kept going until I got to the parking area of tour buses. Finally exhausted I keeled down in the grass and sobbed, my long brown hair falling all around my face in untrained clumps. I felt like my world was crashing. With Tom touring all the time how could we ever have children? We never even discussed having kids- mainly because I never gave it much thought myself. I was terrified.

I felt strong arms wrap around me from behind and looked down to see Travis's covered skin. He picked me up like I weighed nothing and carried me onto the bus, sitting me down on the sofa. Sitting in front of me on the floor he lit a cigarette and stared at me wildly.

"What the fuck is going on? I might not know you as well as Mark but damn girl your not right."

"Your right, I'm not."

"So I guess you took the test huh?" He said and I nodded my head. I saw him in the store last night when I bought it but I hoped he didn't see what I was buying. "I thought you might be pregnant. My kids one, but when Naomi was pregnant she was an emotional mess too. You will pull it together. But tell Tom. He's worried sick." He said patting my leg and walking away. As if on queue Tom walks onto the bus and sits beside me, grabbing my hand.

"Tom.I'm pregnant." I said and I watched his face go from confused to thrilled. I didn't know why he was so happy, this was a nightmare.

"Holy Fuck! Travis! I'm gonna be a dad! This is fucking amazing!" He yelled hugging me tightly. I was so surprised by his reaction I couldn't say a word. Tom jumped up and ran off the bus- and within five minutes Mark was on the bus with him screaming and high fiving. My jaw was dropped. They were really fucking excited.

I wasn't afraid anymore. It was hard to be scared when they were talking a million miles a minute. Bringing the baby to shows. Teaching it how to play guitar. Recording tracks. Teaching him how to skate. Teaching her how to surf. When they both finally looked at me I was sitting there in quiet awe of them both.

"Your really cool with this?" I said and they both nodded, as if I was a surrogate to their love child. "Ok, I guess we're having a baby" I said and they both hugged me, laughing. I didn't know how this was all gonna work but I knew we would figure it out with time.


	13. Depends

Tom's P.O.V.

I kissed Jen one last time before walking into the stage with Mark, my heterosexual life partner. The crowd went wild and I smiled at their excitement. I'm excited too. Jen was carrying my child. I was gonna be a dad. My thoughts were racing as I walked up the microphone and laughed into the mouthpiece.

"Hello Nashville!!" I screamed to the crowd making them all go crazy. Travis stood and took off his shirt, throwing it to the crowd- girls fighting over each other to touch something that belonged to him. The sun was dropping fast and the six thousand people in the crowd looked like ants from up on this stage. "Did green day make all your panties drop? Because that was just the teaser. We are gonna impregnate all of you with our awesome!" I said and Mark laughed.

As we started the show with "pathetic" I felt like I was going thru the motions. I was there but my thoughts were with my hot ass girlfriend standing off to the side of the stage, singing along with the songs she helped inspire. God I love this girl.

After the show I went back to the bus and took a shower, then Jen and I laid down in bed together. One more month of touring before we got to go home again, but this time everything would be so different.

"So, how far along do you think you are?" I asked her as she laid in my arms.

"I don't know- I'm guessing two months, maybe three. I am totally freaking out here. We all got wasted like three weeks ago. What about the baby? I have been sick since. I don't know what to do." She said and I nodded and rubbed her back. I wish she had told me sooner- but my guess was she didn't know for long before I knew. "The tour medic actually asked me how far along I was- because the smell of meat was bothering me. The thought of pregnancy never even occurred to me. I get the depo shot."

"When we get home we will go to the doctors. Or we can go to a doctor's tomorrow when we get to the town we are going to. Lexington, I think it is. I'm sure they have a doctor we can pay cash to see. It's gonna be okay. Did you call Ava?"

She shook her head and laid there, carelessly rubbing my back softly as she laid beside me. I couldn't help but be excited, I just didn't understand why she wasn't. "Do you want this?" I asked her quietly and hated even saying the words out loud. She looked at me horrified for a moment before responding.

"Oh my god Tom yes! I am just scared. I never thought about being a mom. We are so busy already. Your never home. I can't travel with you- a lot of travel is bad for pregnancies. I will have to go home after this tour and you will be on the road. It's unexpected but it's gonna be fine. Right now I just want to see a doctor." She glared at me for a moment as I lit a cigarette. "And seriously no smoking around me. I want a healthy son okay?!" I quickly put it out and pulled her back down beside me, kissing her slowly.

"I love you Jen." I whispered before closing my eyes and pulling her against me. "And I love our baby."

"Me too." She said. "Night night daddy."


	14. Chapter 14

Five and a half months pregnant.

I stared down at my baby bump and shake my head. We have been home for about twelve hours and just left the doctor. Tom had his hat and sunglasses on, his hand on the small of my back and we walked with Ava out of the doctors office and got into the car. Tom talked quickly as we went down the road to pick up Duke and go home.

The tour ended two months ago, and then the guys picked up and went on another six week tour before we went home. The day after I took the pregnancy test I went and saw a doctor who checked me out and did a ton of tests on the baby and me- which all checked out fine. He gave me prenatals and told me to get home before my six month mark, so I could have more tests done on both me and the baby- who was in fact, a boy. Tom was so thrilled.

Ava sat in the car while Tom and I went to Marks. Tom walked inside, loudly saying "Are ya decent honey?" We found Mark on the sofa, pretty hot and heavy with Skye, the girl from MTV he started seeing while on tour. When Ava found out I was pregnant she gave Mark the ultimatum of her or the band, so he told her to start packing. Skye worked at MTV, and met the guys on the set of "All the Small Things." Tom tried hard to hook them up despite Ava being in the picture- since all those two did was fight when they were together. Skye made Mark happy, and I was glad he wasn't held back by their doomed relationship anymore. Ava admitted when they broke up she had been seeing a doctor for almost a year, so I guess it all worked out. Ava moved out- Skye moved in.

"Hey peeps." Tom said sitting down between them- putting an arm behind either one and pulling them close. "You wouldn't be doing anything indecent now would you?! I mean we are idols to the younger generation. Gotta keep our virtues about us." He said as I laughed.

I pointed to my chest to signal Skye to fix her shirt. Her breasts were completely exposed on one side. She squealed and jumped up, laughing and walking out of the room.

"Was it something I said...ya think babe?" Tom asked and I laughed, shaking my head and went to find her.

She was in the kitchen, totally naked from the waist up, staring at her dress. I walked up and saw it was completely ripped down the side.

"Do you have a sewing kit around here?" I asked and she nodded, going over to the drawer and handing me a box. I sat on the stool and repaired her fabric while we talked about nursery decorations and names. She also told me Mark proposed ten minutes before we walked in the door. They were planning on marrying in Vegas next month. She wanted me to be her maid of honor.

"Hey babe, it's getting late did you wanna head...." Tom stopped talking and I looked up to see him standing there next to Mark, both of them wide eyed and jaws dropped. I couldn't figure out what they were staring at for a moment and then I realized, Skye is still standing in the kitchen in a black thong. Her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders and the diamond on her necklace sparkling perfectly from the fireplace. I was keeled in front of her, holding her dress to help her put it on so I can make sure the stitch holds before I finish it off.

I could of denied what they thought, I could of explained it- but as I looked up at Skye we both knew what was going thru there heads. She smiled at me and then looked at the guys. "Mmmmm yeah, did you need something. We are kind of busy." Mark swallowed and Tom simply shook his head as they watched me slowly pull her dress back up. I finished the stitch and then placed the needle back in the box, handing it back to her. "Thanks doll" she said seductively and winked at me. I looked over at Tom again. Beads of sweat were forming on his head as he shook his head again and I grabbed my purse off the counter.

"Come on baby. Let's go home." I said grabbing his hand and Dukes leash as we walked out to our car and got inside, driving back to our favorite place, home.


	15. Potato Cakes

"Did you know, our baby is the size of a large potato right now?" Tom said from the rocking chair in the nursery. He was actively reading a baby book Skye bought me, which has all the info for pregnancy and first year of life. "He is gonna be here in six weeks baby, can you believe it?! We are gonna be parents!" He said and I smiled at him. He was so happy about this it was ridiculous. The guys had been home for two weeks for the holidays and I was more than thrilled. We decorated the nursery, went to ultrasound appointments and stock piled the house on baby stuff so when he came, we could just relax.

Mark married Skye and the wedding went over well. Ava was temporarily going to be staying with me after tonight, new years, since Blink was going on an international tour. The week of my due date they were off but then it would be months before I saw Tom again. I was fat, miserable and sore, but I was looking forward to meeting the little tyke.

"Did you read the part about him growing hair? It's so cool." I said putting the diapers on the shelf and sitting down in his lap. My belly was so huge already, I couldn't imagine what it was going to look like in a few weeks. Tonight we were having a party to ring in the New Year together- our own dysfunctional family. Ava was even bringing her fiance Michael, the trauma surgeon and Travis was bringing Naomi and their three year old little girl.

Tom lifted up my shirt and kissed my belly, singing to his unnamed son. I smiled at him and was just overcome with happiness. We were going to be a family. I couldn't believe I was ever afraid of this. It was going to be perfect.

The nursery was decorated with stuffed animals and eighties punk rock posters. I hand painted guitars and drums onto the walls- and had a picture of me and Tom above his crib. This room was pretty wicked.

"Are you singing to the baby without me?" Mark said loudly, startling us both. He then came over and rubbed my tummy. "Daddy sucks I know. Uncle Mark will fix it when your born." I shook my head and stood up. It was time to get cooking again. Playtime was over.

******************************************************************  
Tom's P.O.V.

Australia was a scorching hot disaster of desert wastelands and we had been here three damn days. The music festival tour we were on seemed never ending. Jens due date was two weeks away and I was dying to get home to my pregnant girlfriend.

Mark sat beside me sweating his ass off. Skye leaned up against the amps and fanned him with her hand. "Oh dear God we need air conditioning. You guys are gonna die out on the stage." She said.

"Only today. Tonight it's gonna be freezing." I said and she just nodded quietly. My cell phone rang and I walked to a quiet place to answer it.

"Tom. It's Ava. You need to come home. Something awful happened."


	16. What Went Wrong

It was three in the afternoon when it started. At first it was low pains in my stomach and back, but then the pain began shooting. I called Ava- who left work to bring me to get evaluated on the maternity floor. It hurt enough I didn't want to drive. A half hour later we pulled up in front of the ER and her fiance was waiting with a wheelchair.

"Really Mike... I'm fine" I said but as I walked towards him I felt wet on my shorts. Like I peed, but I didn't. I looked down in shock and all I saw was blood. I started to ask what was going on when I felt weak and saw black spots rushing at my eyeballs.

Then nothing.

Darkness.

When I regained consciousness I was in extreme amounts of pain. There was a ton of people all around me and it felt like they were all touching me everywhere. I could hear Ava somewhere talking a hundred miles a minute but I couldn't make out words. I tried to ask her but then the sharp pains returned. And the black spots. I heard a yell. I think the noise was coming from me.

Darkness.

Again I am awake. There is a bag of blood hanging above my head. Ava is still crying I can hear her talking. There is different people all around me. People trying to talk to me. I can't hear the words they are saying. I just know it's noises.

"I want to name him Connor" I said and then I saw the black spots again. I tried fighting them but I couldn't. The pain was too intense.

Silence.

When I gain perspective again I am in a dimly lit room. Ava is sitting beside me, holding my hand. I look down and notice my belly is still big. I thought for sure I was having my baby. I have no idea what is going on.

A lady comes in and explains she is a obgyn, and I needed to prepare for what was about to happen. My baby was dead. It died in my stomach. Now I had to push him out of me. She then gave me medicine and walked me thru it. I cried the entire time.

Afterwards they let me hold my dead son for a long time. He was so perfect. Ava was sobbing as she sat beside me in bed. I kissed his little hands and sang him blink songs. His dad would of wanted that.

They came to take him after two hours. When they took him from my arms I became so out of control they had to sedate me. Here, in my drugged state of bliss all I could think about was baby coffins and how I have to go buy one. I have to bury my son.


	17. Not Yet

Tom's P.O.V

I arrived at the hospital thirty three hours after receiving the phone call from Ava. Mark came along- leaving Skye to pull PR and explain family emergency. Mark wouldn't stay- worried of what I was rushing home to. I didn't know details- just that Jen was losing blood and they thought something was wrong with the baby.

I walked into a dark hospital room, and saw Jen in a hospital gown, strapped to a bed and fast asleep. Ava quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room. "Tom stop, you need to talk to the doctor."

"What happened Ava?" I demanded and she teared up, shaking her head and whispering I'm sorry. "What Ava?!" I said again and got into her face, forcing Mark to grab me and pull me away from her.

"Mr. Delonge, if you could come with me please?" An older lady in a white doctor jacket said and I nodded, Mark following along closely. We entered the empty hospital room and she shut the door behind us. "Mr Delonge, I am so sorry to tell you this but your son didn't make it. We almost lost them both, but I managed to save Jennifer."

I stood quietly as she talked before breaking down onto the floor. Mark grabbed me and hugged me, pulling me up and walking me outside, where he handed me a cigarette. After an hour outside, the doctor took us down to the morgue so I could see my son. I held his cold lifeless body and hated myself for touring while she was so close to her due date. I was so angry with myself for not being here and angry that he died.

I went home and wrote music till morning. Mark slept on my sofa.

The next morning I came to the hospital to see Jen. She had the straps on her hands and feet removed, and she was sitting up in bed drawling a picture of a headstone. My soul shattered.

I held her close. We didn't talk about it. I couldn't bring myself to bring it up. Neither could she.

That afternoon the funeral director came to talk about everything. We had a small service the following morning, Mark me and Jen- and our parents only at the gravesite. Jen designed the headstone.

We went home and stayed in bed for almost a week. I don't think either of us ate the entire time. Smoked cigarettes and drank beers, and just laid around. Everything had changed. We were both broken.

Mark cancelled the last two shows.

At the end of a week Jen finally spoke to me.

"Tom. I'm leaving you. I am not ever going to tell you to choose me or the band- because that band is your baby. I am not going to be that girl. Plus if you chose me you would always resent it. But I can't stay. I love you. But for now I have to go. My soul is on fire. Please understand. I need time. Space. But not here. " She said. Then she kissed me and stood up, and started packing. I wanted to argue with her but I couldn't. I wasn't there for her. She feels alone.


	18. Take off Your Pants...

I awoke on a big fluffy bed. I looked out the window and smiled at the fresh snowfall. Standing up, I made the bed and got into a shower, then got dressed and walked out the door. The streets of New York City was always busy, and I enjoyed the busy lifestyle here. I walked the twelve blocks to my office. Jenkins Designs was only eight months old and was already well known. I started by designing punk/ goth style furniture and clothing for nurseries while pregnant, and when I moved here I used them to start a company. Now we are designing all types of furniture, wedding and prom dresses and lots of other cool items- like car interiors.

I talked to Mark on occasion, who tells me Tom is in two bands now- keeping busy with work like always. He encouraged me to call him, but I just wasn't ready. I loved Tom so much it hurt, but right now I just couldn't go back. I sent him letters every couple months, telling him how I was doing and how happy I was working with my company. It had been a year, and I already had a two story office building with twenty girls working for me. I was a success and this company was my baby.

As I worked in my office, a knock came to the door and I look up to see Travis. I smile and stand up walking over and hugging him tightly. "Oh my god Travis how the hell are you?" I said as he sat down on the sofa. I sat down beside him after I closed my office door. "What brings you here?"

"Look, I normally wouldn't interfere but I have something I need you to hear. When it's over I will leave but I need to know you hear it. Every single fucking word I need you to hear it. Please?" He said holding a CD in his hand. I simply nodded. "Let's go to your place so we can talk okay?"

We walked back to my apartment and once inside I grabbed us some beers. Sitting down on the sofa, Travis sat on the chair beside it. He claimed he had a story to tell and then he would play what I needed to hear.

"Tom came to see you four months ago. He wanted to surprise you and win you back. We were in Massachusetts, and he rented a car and drove thirteen hours to get here in the middle of the night. When he arrived you were outside of your office with a few people and there was a guy beside you with his arm around you. Tom said his fingers were in your hair and he kissed you on the cheek. It totally destroyed him. He drove all the way back to the venue and when we got home he spent two weeks writing music. I don't know if you moved on or if he read into it wrong but you need to hear this. And the new blink album too for fucks sake. When they are over, I will leave. But Jen- at least call the guy. He's a mess."

We sat there for two hours, first listening to Box Car Racers album- the song 'there is' talked directly about the day he came to see me, and it broke my heart. The whole album was speaking to me and it was hard to hear. I went and got more beers and kept listening. Then he put in the new Blink album, which had been out for six months or so. I was avoiding it like the plague- afraid of what was going to be involved. The song that got me was one Mark wrote about me leaving Tom, 'everytime I look for you'

Never found out why you left him,  
but this answer begs that question,  
Too blind to see tomorrow,  
too broke to beg or borrow.  
Young and Stupid, left wide open  
Hearts are wasted, lives are broken

One more point of contention,  
I need some intervention  
Approached with vague intentions  
betray my short attention span  
The distance, bridge the border  
Beg forgiveness, round the corner

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down  
And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground  
I left another message, you are never around  
But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more  
Will the last one out, please shut the door

More time apart will give you,  
a few more months to argue  
Is this to much to live through,  
it always seems to far to drive  
The point home, send more letters  
Pray tomorrow, ends up better

When the CD ended Travis stood up and nodded to me, handed me a ticket to San Diego for tomorrow night and walked out the door, leaving me alone with my racing thoughts. I couldn't hear all that and not go home. I needed to see him now and it scared the hell out of me. Every line of that song hit me like a knife and if I thought I had tears left I might of cried. This year had made me strong. I had tons of friends I had made over the years in the music world- a lot of whom I hung out with when they came thru town. I wrote tracks for bands and even recorded a single with a band or two under a pen name- so it wouldn't be related to my design company. I called Mark and when he picked up I realized this was going to suck.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Jen."

"Jen. Oh hi Jen. I was JUST thinking about you."

"So...I listened to the new blink album... finally."

"And....?"

"Every time I look for you.........."

"Oh. That."

"Yes that."

"Did you get the message?"

"Loud and clear."

"Are you coming home?"

"Maybe. Did you send Travis? Did Tom?"

"What? Travis is there? He is supposed to be in Connecticut helping his dad move."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah why? He is with you?"

"He was.... look. It doesn't matter. I'm coming home."

I hung up before he could ask questions and laid back on the sofa. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this but I had to go home. Now I had to do something else I was afraid of- call Tom to see if he wants me home.


	19. Don't Tell Me It's Over

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hey it's Tom, I'm too busy being awesome to answer this shit so leave me a message and tell me what you want. If I care, I will call back. Fuck off. " I rolled my eyes at his new voicemail message and waited for the beep.

Beep.

"Hey Tom, it's Jen. Look I don't know if you want to hear from me or not but I wrote a song about us and I want you to hear it. If you listen to it and still wanna talk, call me back. I wanted to come see you..... I have a plane ticket for tomorrow night. The track is Call Me by Shinedown. So yeah.... I'll be here. If I don't hear from you I won't come. Anyway..... uhh..... bye." I said and then hung up before I could babble on any longer. I just hoped he called, even if it's to officially break up in person, this up in the air part of our relationship was killing me.

*****************************************************************

Tom's P.O.V

I lowered the bottle from my lips and stared at the answering machine, trying to comprehend what I just heard. I looked at the bottle of whisky and wondered if I was hallucinating. Did Jen actually call me?

I curiously stood, walking over to the computer and going to limewire, downloading the song she told me to, in order to listen to it. This ought to be interesting. She rarely wrote music and when she did, she never wanted it published. Now she's not only moved on romantically, but she is running a design company by day and ghostwriting at night. Skye showed me the catalogue and I looked at her designs- she had major skill. It didn't surprise me- when Mark and I launched Macbeth footwear while she was pregnant she gave us some cool ideas. The song downloaded and after taking another swig from the bottle I pushed play.

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning  
Send me on my way still smiling  
Maybe that's the way I should go,  
Straight into the mouth of the unknown  
I left the spare key on the table  
Never really thought I'd be able to say  
I merely visit on the weekends  
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times  
I would change my ways  
No, nevermind  
God knows I've tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,  
But nothing really lasts forever  
I had to make a choice that was not mine,  
I had to say goodbye for the last time  
I kept my whole life in suitcase,  
Never really stayed in one place  
Maybe that's the way it should be,  
You know I live my life like a gypsy

I hit stop and sat back down on the floor again, staring at the answering machine once more. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? She still loves me. It means she still loves me. But what now? Where do we go from here?

I wanted to call her, I needed to call her, but how did we go forward? I played the song again and sipped on the bottle. Shaking my head and wiping the tears off my cheek- I called Mark.

"Hey man can you come over?" He said answering the phone and I just laughed at his question. He was silent for a few minutes before asking. "You alright Tom?"

"She called me Mark. And I have to call her back. But I'm wasted."

"I'm coming over. Okay? I'm on my way..." he said hanging up. I played the song again and drank some more. I replayed her voicemail again and drank the end of the bottle. Mark walked in the door a few minutes later and sat down beside me on the sofa where I now resided. I pointed to the answering machine and he played it, listening to it twice. Then I pointed to the computer and he played the song- singing along.

"What dude? Don't you listen to the radio?" He said when I looked at him confused. "This is Skyes favorite song......." When the song was over Mark patted me on the back and handed me the phone. "Look dude, you need her back. We wrote most of the last album about her- and if she's calling you then she is still yours. I think she feels as lost as you. Even if it's bad news you gotta see her again... hear her out. You owe each other that much." I nodded and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Hey....." I said nervously.

"Hey......" she responded, just as nervously.

"So yeah I need to see you. We should talk." I said while shrugging at Mark who was looking at me disapprovingly. I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. Wanna pick me up or I can rent a car and just come to the house."

"Well I moved so...... I will pick you up. I had to move. That room. I just couldn't........" I said, stumbling over my words

"Yeah, okay. Good. My plane lands at eight."

"I'll be there " I said and she hung up. Shit that was awkward.

Mark punched me in the arm and I jumped. He responded by punching me again.

"What the fuck?" I yelled at him and he hit me again.

"You fucking idiot. What are you gonna do, how are you going to handle this? Just talk and she leaves? You move to NYC? She moves here and leaves her company? What if she gets pregnant again? What are you gonna do?" He said and I stood up, throwing the empty bottle in the trash.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." I said and he smiled, standing up and hugging me. It's not gonna solve everything but it's a start.


	20. Don't Tell Me It's Over

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hey it's Tom, I'm too busy being awesome to answer this shit so leave me a message and tell me what you want. If I care, I will call back. Fuck off. " I rolled my eyes at his new voicemail message and waited for the beep.

Beep.

"Hey Tom, it's Jen. Look I don't know if you want to hear from me or not but I wrote a song about us and I want you to hear it. If you listen to it and still wanna talk, call me back. I wanted to come see you..... I have a plane ticket for tomorrow night. The track is Call Me by Shinedown. So yeah.... I'll be here. If I don't hear from you I won't come. Anyway..... uhh..... bye." I said and then hung up before I could babble on any longer. I just hoped he called, even if it's to officially break up in person, this up in the air part of our relationship was killing me.

*****************************************************************

Tom's P.O.V

I lowered the bottle from my lips and stared at the answering machine, trying to comprehend what I just heard. I looked at the bottle of whisky and wondered if I was hallucinating. Did Jen actually call me?

I curiously stood, walking over to the computer and going to limewire, downloading the song she told me to, in order to listen to it. This ought to be interesting. She rarely wrote music and when she did, she never wanted it published. Now she's not only moved on romantically, but she is running a design company by day and ghostwriting at night. Skye showed me the catalogue and I looked at her designs- she had major skill. It didn't surprise me- when Mark and I launched Macbeth footwear while she was pregnant she gave us some cool ideas. The song downloaded and after taking another swig from the bottle I pushed play.

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning  
Send me on my way still smiling  
Maybe that's the way I should go,  
Straight into the mouth of the unknown  
I left the spare key on the table  
Never really thought I'd be able to say  
I merely visit on the weekends  
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I've said it so many times  
I would change my ways  
No, nevermind  
God knows I've tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint  
Tell me it's over I'll still love you the same  
Call me your favorite, call me the worst  
Tell me it's over I don't want you to hurt  
It's all that I can say. So, I'll be on my way

I finally put it all together,  
But nothing really lasts forever  
I had to make a choice that was not mine,  
I had to say goodbye for the last time  
I kept my whole life in suitcase,  
Never really stayed in one place  
Maybe that's the way it should be,  
You know I live my life like a gypsy

I hit stop and sat back down on the floor again, staring at the answering machine once more. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? She still loves me. It means she still loves me. But what now? Where do we go from here?

I wanted to call her, I needed to call her, but how did we go forward? I played the song again and sipped on the bottle. Shaking my head and wiping the tears off my cheek- I called Mark.

"Hey man can you come over?" He said answering the phone and I just laughed at his question. He was silent for a few minutes before asking. "You alright Tom?"

"She called me Mark. And I have to call her back. But I'm wasted."

"I'm coming over. Okay? I'm on my way..." he said hanging up. I played the song again and drank some more. I replayed her voicemail again and drank the end of the bottle. Mark walked in the door a few minutes later and sat down beside me on the sofa where I now resided. I pointed to the answering machine and he played it, listening to it twice. Then I pointed to the computer and he played the song- singing along.

"What dude? Don't you listen to the radio?" He said when I looked at him confused. "This is Skyes favorite song......." When the song was over Mark patted me on the back and handed me the phone. "Look dude, you need her back. We wrote most of the last album about her- and if she's calling you then she is still yours. I think she feels as lost as you. Even if it's bad news you gotta see her again... hear her out. You owe each other that much." I nodded and dialed her number.

"Hello?"

"Hey....." I said nervously.

"Hey......" she responded, just as nervously.

"So yeah I need to see you. We should talk." I said while shrugging at Mark who was looking at me disapprovingly. I didn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. Wanna pick me up or I can rent a car and just come to the house."

"Well I moved so...... I will pick you up. I had to move. That room. I just couldn't........" I said, stumbling over my words

"Yeah, okay. Good. My plane lands at eight."

"I'll be there " I said and she hung up. Shit that was awkward.

Mark punched me in the arm and I jumped. He responded by punching me again.

"What the fuck?" I yelled at him and he hit me again.

"You fucking idiot. What are you gonna do, how are you going to handle this? Just talk and she leaves? You move to NYC? She moves here and leaves her company? What if she gets pregnant again? What are you gonna do?" He said and I stood up, throwing the empty bottle in the trash.

"I'm gonna ask her to marry me." I said and he smiled, standing up and hugging me. It's not gonna solve everything but it's a start.


	21. Sante Fe

My plane landed at 8:03pm. I walked out of the terminal to see a group of people swooning around Tom, getting autographs and taking pictures. He smiled when he saw me and left his flock to come hug me tightly. He wore a black hat on his head, turned backwards, a Macbeth t shirt and a pair of jeans but he looked incredible. He smelled so good and I could feel his rock hard muscles as he held me tightly. It felt so good to be in his arms again. Security kept the fifty or so people back as we made our way out of the airport and into his Audi A8, away from the madness that was surrounding us.

"So, how's the business going?" He said, lighting a cigarette and offering me one, which I shook my head to.

"It's going really well. I just did Marilyn Mansons guest bedroom and Trent Renzor's studio. You know that crazy dude bought the house where Sharon Tate was murdered?!"

"Holy shit....." he said. "Why the hell did he do that?"

"Apparently it spoke to him. He wanted me to come see the end result but umm.... no. No thank you. Manson's house in the Hamptons was pretty cool though."

"You are out there getting it huh?"

I nodded. I didn't know what else to say. Without Tom I was miserable in my personal life- but I was so happy in my professional life. As we travel down the San Diego Freeway I relaxed a bit. I was so nervous being with Tom after a year, we had both lost so much time but I feel like we needed it to grow.

"So where's the new place?" I asked and he smiled and winked at me. His eyes seemed so alive every time I looked at him and I couldn't believe he still had his spark- I think mine died when the baby did but then i found it again in my company.

"Santa Fe" he answered and I smiled. I wondered if it was the place we wanted years ago but couldn't afford. Blink must be doing well, the house was listed at five million and that was a few years back. When we pulled onto the drive, I almost screamed.

It was the house.  
Holy crap he bought our dream house.

He parked out front and got out of the car, coming around to my side of the car and opening the door, holding out his hand to me.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" He asked, smiling at me. "Ready to come home?" I was so stunned, I simply nodded and took his hand as he led me inside.

Built in 2000, the house has 6,500 square feet. Features in the four-bedroom, U-shaped house include six baths, walls of glass, open and airy indoor/outdoor living spaces, a courtyard with an outdoor sound system, a master suite with golf and mountain views and a casual limestone spa bath, cherry wood ceilings throughout, sophisticated art lighting, secondary bedroom suites that open to their own private gardens, an attached guest house, and an executive office with seamless glass doors and a private hobby room/retreat. The best part is that this house sits on 10.5 acres, which gives us perfect privacy.

Walking inside was like something out of a magazine. It was perfectly decorated, some of the stuff was even better than I would of done it. There were red guitar picks in a path so I followed them with Tom falling behind me. I was so curious as to where it was leading me. When it stopped I looked up and my breath was caught in my throat. The back yard/garden/ pool area was so perfect- and he had a small box sitting on the patio in front of me, with a diamond ring in it. Gasping I turned to see Tom down on his knee, looking up at me.

"Will you marry me Jen?" He said and as much as I wanted to run the only thing I could do was smile.

"Of course" I said kissing him.


	22. Here's Your Letter

Tom and I were engaged. I was so happy I just couldn't stand it. We spent almost two weeks avoiding the real world and spent our time wrapped in the sheets, writing music and playing guitar. We just needed some time to get our heads around the past year, so we could move on. At the end of two weeks I drove the twenty minutes to LA and met with a realtor who helped me find kick ass office space and I began the process of relocating my company and my employees. I paid for their move and their first months rent so they could start work without worry. Most of them took the offer, I only lost three employees.

Telling our parents that we reconciled our relationship was another matter. We invited both of our mom's to the house for the weekend, as well as Mark, Skye, Naomi and Travis. As we sat down to dinner, we told everyone we were getting married in a few weeks. The looks of shock on our mom's faces was priceless, but Mark and Travis just nodded in approval before hugging us both.

"The universe corrected itself I see...." Travis said later on in the evening while I sat outside by the pool. Everyone was inside and it just got too hot for me.

"Yeah. It sure seemed to." I said smiling at him. He started to walk away but something had been eating at me, and I had to know. "So. Did Mark send you or did you plan it together? I guess you could of acted alone but Tom said Mark pushed him to NYC using similar tactics."

"Does it matter? The universe is realigned. Love like yours.... like you and Tom..... it's epic love. You don't get to walk away. He was hurting too. He needed you. And you needed him. You two were just too hurt to see it." He said quietly and then turned to walk away again as Mark started to walk outside.

"Hey Travis?"

"Yeah Jen...?"

"Thank you " he nodded and went back into the house as Mark sat down beside me.

"You're on to us huh?" He said and laughed as I nodded. "It doesn't matter. I love you both enough to be the meddling best friend. So use me. Now we need a new blink record with happier music. No more box car racer"

"Tom wrote some great shit for Blink the last few weeks. It's a new sound but it's so good. You guys should go play. I got our parents and the ladies. I may of had a hand in a song or two." I said winking as he nodded and walked into the house. Part of me was annoyed cause I think he just wanted his bromance back with Tom so he fixed us, but I didn't know.

It doesn't matter, I'm just happy to be marrying the man I love.


	23. I Do

We got married a few weeks later, in our backyard with close family and friends surrounding us. Neither of us cared about having something big, just wanted to be together. Tom admitted he had the ring before the baby was born, but he didn't want me to think he was just marrying me because I was pregnant. He said he wanted to do it when we first reconnected, but it didn't really matter- we were together and happy. It wasn't till everything happened that he regretted it.

Two weeks later I went to the doctor for headaches and she told me I was going to be a mommy. I was terrified but she reassured me that my obgyn would watch me more carefully than ever before. I told Tom on the phone, since he was touring. He flew home the next morning to go to the obgyn appointment with me.

Turns out the first night I came home he knocked me up because I was three months pregnant. The doctor put me on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy and assigned a midwife to stay with me until I was full term. Tom left that night but we set up a time every day to talk.

Sarah, my twenty five year old midwife, moved in the same night. She was a huge Blink fan and was totally in love with the house and hearing stories about days on the road. Anytime the guys had a chance to stop in and see me for a day or two Sarah was in heaven.

Things happened pretty quickly after that. The next six months I couldn't do much but sleep and eat- getting fatter every single day. At thirty seven weeks I had some pretty bad cramping so Sarah rushed me to the hospital and they did an emergency c-section. She was six pounds, seven ounces and 18 inches long. We named her Ava May Delonge. She had her daddy's eyes and my nose, and from the moment I held her I loved her more than anything.

Tom arrived the next day, and cried when he saw us both alive and happy. Mark of course, cried right along with him. I think we all went thru this expecting her not to make it. We didn't even pick out a name till she was born. Our miracle baby. Life is magic.

I offered Sarah a job as Ava's nanny and she readily accepted, quitting her job with the agency. I paid her double and she was not only an asset to my life now but had become a good friend. She took care of me and Ava, without her I don't know if we would of made it.


	24. Miss You

Fast forward to June of 2005.

Our daughter Ava is now three years old and I am pregnant yet again. The band has been overwhelmingly successful but they fought so much they didn't even speak to one another while on tour. Skye and I were no longer talking either, because we allowed the guys problems to become our own. Tom left the tour early, and the last few shows got cancelled- because he just couldn't take it anymore.

The last album was so well done, and it took Tom away from us for over two years- he missed Ava's first steps, her first words, her first boo boo...... everything. See, Blink was at the top of their game- and Travis and Mark wanted to keep on touring but Tom just wanted a few months at home. They fought for weeks and even after he agreed to go a few more the damage had been done in their friendships- they wouldn't even speak to him. After all they did to get us back together those two were mad Tom wanted to put us before the band.

Mark sold his half of their companies to Tom and that was that. And now my husband is home. But him being here is so out of the norm for us I don't know how to make it all function. Ava and Tom were sitting on the floor, rolling a ball back and forth between them. I rubbed my pregnant belly and smiled at my favorite people feeling blessed for all we had. Tom's decision to walk away was so hard on him, but he kept reassuring me that it would blow over. Then this morning his manager called and said Mark was cutting ties for good and Blinks website was calling it an indefinite hiatus. I know it hurt him, but he seemed so relaxed while I sat here feeling incredibly guilty.

Sarah picked up Ava, kissing her cheek and walking out of the room, putting our little firecracker down for bed. Tom walked over to me and sat down, putting his muscular arm around me and pulling me close.

"Wanna go out for a bit? I feel like driving." He said and I nodded. This pregnancy was not high risk, as long as I was careful, and it's been a long time since it had just been the two of us. We got into his Audi and drove about two hours along the coast, stopping in Long Beach. We walked along the ocean hand in hand before finally settling in the sand. I sat between his legs and leaned my back against his chest, I could feel his heart beating as we sat in silence. I knew he was mentally working things out, and I was glad he wasn't doing it alone.

"I am thinking of putting together a new band. Less tour crazy, it doesn't have to consume my life, I want to use the hundreds of ideas I have for Blink but couldn't use cause it wasn't us. This is going to be an expression of art. But I want you to be okay with this. We don't need the money like.... ever..... so I am more than happy to stay at home and raise our kids......" Tom said quietly and I nodded as he spoke.

"I think you should do it. It's going to hurt Mark but he will get over it eventually."

"I lost my best friend because I put you before him. He doesn't get to be hurt. He hurt me....."

"I know baby......" I said turning around and kissing him. "I love you."

"I love you more Jen. Forever and after."


	25. Lightning Crash

I was standing on the edge of greatness when I got the panicked phone call from Skye two and a half years later. I was watching Tom do a sound check for an Angels and Airwaves show- he was so invested with this band and it was fantastic having him home all the time. They didn't do much touring, and when he did- we came along. He was writing differently and his messages were changing as we grew older. Today they were doing a show in Miami Florida at one pm, hence the eight a.m. sound check. I had a baby in my arms and a little girl holding my hand as we watched daddy perform a tiny teaser before nodding approval to the roadies and walking up to us, kissing my lips and taking our almost two year old into his arms.

My phone rang and I bent down to retrieve it from my purse on the floor. What I could here was panicked sobbing. I was so confused because Skye had not called me in a long time.

"Jen, where are you?" She asked as I flashed Tom a confused look I responded.

"In Miami honey. What's wrong? Is it Mark? The kids? What's going on?"

"Turn on a radio. A tv. There's been an accident. Travis is in real bad shape. Mark is getting on a plane now...."

"Someone get me a tv or a radio. Now!" I yelled to the guys all standing around. Tom looked more worried as I didn't tell him anything, handing the baby to Sarah and grabbing the radio, plugging it in.I left Ava to Sarah who took the kids and headed back to the bus. "Alright Skye I have the radio. What do you want me to put on?"

"Everyones covering it. I gotta go Travis's nanny is calling me. You call me back...."

I turned up the radio and scrolled thru the stations till I found one talking. They discussed the weather and then covered what I was waiting for. I grabbed Tom's hand as they mentioned Travis's name.

[If your just tuning in, Blink 182 drummer and friend DJ Am are being treated at the burn center for third degree burns over most of their bodies resulting from a plane crash in South Carolina early this morning that left four dead]

Tom grabbed his jacket and I followed him. I knew the concert was cancelled and he would hate it later but we both knew where he needed to be. I ran after him and met him in the parking lot, tears streaming down his face. I stood there hugging him for twenty minutes until his manager came up and asked to talk to him about tonight's show due to unforseen events. Tom told him to give us an hour to get more information, but he wanted to be on the next flight to Atlanta to see his friend. The manager nodded and walked away to tell the rest of the band. I knew they would all understand.  
********************************************************************

Tom's P.O.V.

It was six p.m. when Jen and I arrived at the hospital. There was a few dozen news reporters talking a mile a minute but I couldn't hear any of it, or even pay attention to the flashing lights of cameras while I pulled my hat down over my eyes and walked thru the doors of the hospital. We went up to the third floor and I hugged Travis's mom and then Mark, sitting down beside them. Jen went over to sit with Skye as I got updated.

"I can't believe your here Tom." Mark said after his mom went to go talk to the doctor and give the family updates. "I just didn't think.... I didn't know..... shit Tom. Your here."

"Yeah. Of course I am here. I love Travis like I love you Mark. No matter what- we are family."

"You don't turn your back on family...." Mark snapped back making me wonder why I was even trying.

"You wanted me to chose. I can't make that choice Mark. I needed to go home to my family. They needed me."

"I needed you....." Mark said, almost in a whisper. "And you chose Jen. Why not me. Why not the band? How could you just walk away?"

"How could you even ask me that. You didn't even tell me. You told the world. It hurt Mark. And Travis is dying. This shit don't matter. We are family. We need to start over. Life is too fucking short."

Mark nodded in agreement and hugged me tightly.

"He can't die Tom, he just can't......"

"I know dude..... I know......."


	26. Rite of Spring

The first day back in the studio was a hard one.

Jen dropped me out front of Travis's house and kissed me goodbye, waiting as I grabbed my duffle bag out of the back before driving away. I agreed to come stay at Travis's place for the next few weeks while we worked thru our differences and decided the fate of Blink 182. It had been nearly a year since Travis's accident and he was finally feeling like himself again. We had spent a lot of time hanging out these past months, Mark and I taking shifts to keep his spirits up. We talked thru so much already- and we all agreed life was too short to keep arguing. They were jerks and I was too.

"Tommy!!!" Mark said hugging me as I walked inside. "Common in buddy- we were just talking about you."

"You were?" I asked him dropping my bag and walking into the studio with Mark, sitting down on the sofa after saying hi to Travis.

"Oh hell yes.... cause we decided to listen to your latest album..... and rite of spring.... that is quite a song....."

"Yeah.....thanks...."

"Seriously man..... let's listen again, huh Travis?" Mark said, turning around and hitting play. The song I worked so hard on began and I smiled at the lyrics I scribbled on a napkin- the guitar riffs I wrote on the beach.

If I had a chance for another try,  
I wouldn’t change a thing  
It's made me all of who I am inside  
And if I could thank god  
That I am here, and that I am alive  
And everyday I wake  
I tell myself a little harmless lie  
The whole wide world is mine

When it was over Mark sat down beside me, shaking his head. "So your still an egomaniacal prick?! But hopefully you got it out of your system."

"Yeah man I'm ready to make gold with you guys again. Let's get to work." I said, hoping this time around my heart would be in it.


	27. After Midnight

It was a long time before the Blink album was completed but the guys did it again. It seemed like everything had fallen back into place. We were spending time together with our kids, Skye and I were hanging out, and the boys were back on constant radio rotation. Me and Skye had a huge obsession with the show "the following" so the guys got the girl who played Emma to do their music video. I was so happy to meet her, and she was just as excited to meet Blink.

We are sitting in the "green room" in MTV studios, and the guys are waiting to do an interview about the new video before they release it. I was sitting on Tom's lap, and Mark and I were discussing good skate parks to visit while we were in NYC. I saw Bam Margera walk by and I jogged out into the hallway to say hi.

I met Bam a few times when he came to visit his brothers band, CKY, Alkaline Trio or Warner Drive- all of which Blink toured with. When Tom and I were apart for that year Bam and I hung out a few times and I was excited to see him again.

"Hey jackass. How the hell are you?!" I said loudly, making him stop and turn around slowly. When he saw who yelled he smiled big and walked towards me and I ran up and hugged him.

"Jennifer Jenkins! How the hell are you?!" He said loudly and I smiled at him.

"It's actually Delonge now, asshole." I said playfully shoving him. "But I'm fantastic. How the hell are you?!"

"Cant complain. No one gives a shit." He said winking as Tom came out in the hall to see what I was doing. "Hey man, I'm Bam Margera." He said shaking Tom's hand. I know Tom avoided Bam like the plague when he came around- saying he was self-destructive- and I couldn't disagree. Still his personality was addictive. Tom shook his hand and nodded before Bam walked into the green room and hugged Travis tightly. "Dude I'm so glad your okay. I tried to cheer you up from the accident and give you alcohol poisioning. Your girlfriend reamed me out big time dude." Bam said and they laughed. Then Mark greeted him and they began catching up.

"Two minutes Blink- head out there. And Bam didn't I tell you to go home?" The stage manager said making everyone laugh. I kissed Tom good luck and the three left, leaving me alone in the room with Bam watching the show from the monitor.

"I can't believe you married that guy. He's so obsessed with you." Bam said and I laughed. He could be such an idiot.

"It's all good I'm pretty obsessed with him too. Hence the long standing relationship." I said winking and waving my ring finger in his face as the guys came onto the screen.


	28. Reading Festival

Tom's P.O.V.

"Ava. Tell mommy I will be downstairs in the lobby. We have to go baby." I tell my daughter and she nods in approval before walking down the hall to our hotel suite to do as i ask. Sarah walked out with Ava hand in hand, Jen right behind them. As I stood in the hallway, my son's hand in my own, I couldn't help but how damn hot my wife still was. Thirty five years old and wearing leather pants, heels, and a black tight top that was low on her back, tying around the back of her neck. Her breasts were the perfect amount of amazing in that top as well. Jen had sunglasses pulled over her eyes and her long hair pulled down on one side on her head, cascading down her shoulder. I privately kicked myself for not noticing just how amazing she still looked. She smiled at me when she reached me, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"Tom, are we going?" She said and I nodded quickly before turning around and pushing the elevator button- and heading on. Sarah had become a huge part of the family- even though the kids were older we kept her on payroll as a nanny/ nurse/ housekeeper. A few years ago she helped me kick a pretty nasty pill addiction I had, and she was great to have because it freed Jen up to going on the road with me.

We walked out into the lobby and met up with Mark and Skye- and we all got into the limo and were taken to the venue. The reading festival had 90,000 people in attendance today and we were headlining the show tonight. I couldn't believe almost one hundred thousand people were there, and I was trying so hard to get pumped about it- but I was falling short. My heart wasn't in this like it used to be, I really just wanted to be at home working on my book and writing for AVA (angels and airwaves). Mark noticed my mood the week before and suggested my family come to the festival with me- and having them here was definitely helping.

Once backstage Jen set Sarah and the kids up in a back room with a monitor so they could watch the shows, and she went with us up to the stage for sound check. Blink was going on in a half hour so it was time to make sure we sounded amazing.

We did.

The sky had darkened and the sound of the crowd got louder and louder, chanting our lyrics- screaming our names and chanting for Blink to come out for them to see while we stood off stage watching them. Listening to them.

As I stood there, next to the two guys I spent the last two decades making music with- part of me wanted to tell them..... I was done.... but Blink meant so much to me I simply smiled at them. I ignored their exchanged worried looks and nodded to them before speaking.

"One hundred mother fucking thousand people guys!! This is the biggest show we have ever done. Are you ready to rock their panties off?"

The guys both laughed and I walked up to my wife, placing my axe onto my body and pulling her close, inhaling the scent of her perfume. "I love you Jen. Forever....."

"And after...." she replied, pressing her lips against my own.


End file.
